I found an answer.

For me, rains have been the best friend for they cry with me at times when I have  to hide my tears. Indian monsoons are now a days so uncertain,farmers die out of hunger and starvation.So does my situation, very similar to the pattern of Indian monsoon,quite uncertain about future, self confidence and self esteem.Many a times I spared a thought of why I  am not being able to achieve what ever I want?Most of the times the answer was a bit clumsy far too sophisticated for my neurological system.The only convincing answer I would give to myself was....”Dats okk!! You are gonna make it.

        But when do I am gonna make it??? Alas!! I had no ANSWER.

So many questions but no answers,this  was creating a turmoil within me, the chaos was consuming me slowly and gradually. I almost took it for granted that things are not going to change and now all i have to do is to  keep on breathing . In short, I was shattered at the age of 19.

Then came a day in my life it was so unexpected . My perspective regarding this life changed.

All I did was remained silent. Silence for hours, no disturbance not even myself. After this phase,the my  approach towards  life changed. I found all those answers which annoyed me for years. I could now understand why I wasn't happy despite everything.

The answer was simple and just. I had been seeking answers outside but never tried to look inside

yes, I never tried to look at myself. That day, I asked one question to myself, Who am I?

This one question led a complete transition in me. What I had been searching for years was actually with me. This fact startled me! And my journey to a new life begun.

We all want to be happy, we all need attention ,we want someone to be with us every time but most of us end up getting disappointed when these wishes are not fulfilled. But,have we ever asked ourselves " What defines happiness for me?" The problem is we have postponed our happiness or better say, scheduled our happiness. For instance, an ambitious student would say" If I crack this exam  I will be happy." It means during his journey towards his goal he is not happy!

We all have a misconception as happiness being a destiny but it is actually a journey.

When we stop depending on external factors searching happiness within them, literally we improve our lives. We have immense strengthen within us, but we have stopped interacting with ourselves as a result we have lost that beautiful soul connection.

Connecting to one's soul is indeed a mystic journey and has a magnanimous effect. One should try to connect with ones soul.